I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
