Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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