Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
