Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize