I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
