Kareoke will never be a sober sport
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
