nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
