I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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