I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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