i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
