I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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