Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
