did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You are a genius and a whore.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
