I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
