Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
