why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She's the barista slut.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
