Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
