The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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