my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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