Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
