Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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