barbara walters just said penis...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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