Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
