tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
