If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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