I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
either way he was missing a nipple.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
