I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
