I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
