I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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