I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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