Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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