I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
