so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
