That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
