I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
