After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
