I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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