i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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