I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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