I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
