u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
