I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
