I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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