Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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