I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
