i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
