He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
