she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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