just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
