they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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