Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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