Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
