My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
