I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
