It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
