it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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