I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drunk is not a location!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
