and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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