I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
