I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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