I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
