My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
