maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
