I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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