I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
