Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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