you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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