people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize