New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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