we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
