David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize