My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
