I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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